The subway, for those of you not living in NYC, is like your wonderful family car, except instead of your friends and family riding along with you, there are hundreds of strangers. And for just this reason, a few unwritten rules must be followed.
First, don't hold the doors. The entire subway system does not need to be delayed because you just HAD to get a second hot dog on the way. Don't stand in front of the doors, either. I know you've found just the perfect spot for you to stand, but other people ride the train besides you. For those of you trying to board the train, let people off before you get on. It's simple physics - no two things can occupy the same space. Once aboard, space yourselves out, for God's sake. This city is cramped enough as it is. If the opportunity arises, allow yourself the luxury of a little personal space. If you're forced to stand, hold the fuck on. I've had more elderly, Chinese women in my lap than I care to count. Lastly, show some respect for the other people aboard. Turn your music down (no one cares what you're listening to), don't take up more than one seat (you'll survive holding your purse for 20 minutes), take a shower before you ride (conversely, too much perfume is just as annoying), don't stare at people (we notice), and for God-fucking-sake DON'T CLIP YOUR NAILS (you're a vile human-being. I shouldn't even have to be saying this).
These rules should help you to not be universally hated by a large group of people. Enjoy!
By Joe Lankheet
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