29.) You'll Never Work In A Restaurant

You know the old cliché where the young guy or girl steps off the bus with suitcases in hand, and then they ask themselves “where in this great big city am I ever going to find a job?” Then they walk into a seedy bar, where the ancient, crusty owner gives them a dirty look and says, “here's a shaker, you're hired.”

Well, folks, that sure as hell never happened in New York City. All of the city's servers, bartenders, cooks, and busboys belong to a prestigious group of individuals with “experience in a high volume NYC bar or restaurant.” Most places (and by that I suppose I mean all places) that are looking to hire new employees require people to have anywhere from a year to five or more years of experience in strictly New York City establishments. So if you're thinking of moving to the Big Apple after finally ending your long tenure as a shift leader at the Dairy Queen in Dubuque, and expecting that surely one of the over one hundred thousand bars and restaurants in the city will let you either carry plates of food to tables or pour alcohol into glasses, you might want to think again.

While this unofficial policy might perhaps make sense with the more glamorous jobs like bartenders or servers (“glamorous” being used fairly loosely in this case, perhaps “tip-driven” is a better term), it also rather absurdly applies to the very unglamorous ones as well. I once saw a craigslist ad for a dishwasher job (minimum wage, mind you), requiring three years of dishwashing experience in a high-volume NY restaurant. Apparently, dishes in the five boroughs get soaked and covered in soap suds in a way entirely unique from dishes all around the world, subtle details that only a seasoned, real-Brooklyn-style dishwashing pro can pick up on. Also, apparently that restaurant owner has never worked a dishwashing shift at Yesterday's Royal in Sylvan Beach, NY by himself on a Tuesday night, otherwise known as Dinner Theater night (not that I'm bitter about it or anything).

So remember, before you go out there and look for your first job in the great New York City food industry, you might want to try and get at least one year of experience in a high-volume New York City restaurant first.




By Garrett McMahon