36.) Map Seats

Every subway car usually has a subway map--a helpful device for finding out how to get where you're going while riding the subway system. These maps are typically located on the wall directly above one of the seats, right about head-level with whomever is sitting there. This often creates an extremely uncomfortable moment when the person sitting in said seat is approached by someone wishing to view the map.

Here's how it goes down... you're sitting in your seat, minding your own business. Suddenly, you notice some stranger awkwardly staring at you, who then makes a B-line towards your current location. Panic kicks in, and you prepare yourself to be accosted by some random maniac. They continue to approach, reaching a position somewhere between your knees and your groin, when they suddenly stop and stare at something a few inches from your head. At this moment, you realize you're sitting in front of a subway map, and they are merely trying to figure out where to get off. Situation resolved!

Not so fast! This situation has reached it's pinnacle of awkwardness. For the next minute or so, this stranger will stand uncomfortably close to you, and stare at this map for what will seem like millenniums, completely obliterating your sense of person space. And you, having to pretend to be a conscientious and accommodating person, will act as if nothing unusual is happening as you silently beg God to either kill you or the person currently straddling your leg.

And then, they will walk away, and you can go back to hating that asshole clipping his fingernails.

Written By Joe Lankheet
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